these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
