I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
