What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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