I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
