So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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