hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
