i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
