the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
