I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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