ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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