I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.