It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed