I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.