Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
