This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle