My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
someone owes me an orgasm
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
