If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
