I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
