When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
vagina is talking i cant
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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