he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
