Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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