so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
