im about as happy as oj after his trial
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
