Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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