you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we made out on top of his cat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
