come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got inside last night via doggy door
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
