there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i was born a porn star she said
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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