either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
