I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize