you mean i was at the winter classic?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
