WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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