I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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