Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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