He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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