Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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