Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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