PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
