if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
