so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
