from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
