Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I died a long time ago.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
