I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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