Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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