Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
