IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
