Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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