Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
