Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
