i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
