just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED