i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday