just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him