he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
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No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...