Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl