i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.