She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
