I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?