he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder