You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions