Im at strip club and am horny
I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
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dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.