can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
