that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
