It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
