I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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