i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
farters have to be the big spoon...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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