so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
