I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
