I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
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Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
did i just pee glitter
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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