New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
